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title: Live like we're dying
date: Monday, December 21, 2009
time:2:17 AM

It's been a long time since I've blogged about anything. So many things are happening at once and it's hard to comprehend the thoughts and events occurring at the same time. One song can sum up the present.

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title: We're all living on a rabbit's back
date: Friday, November 27, 2009
time:1:19 AM

I'm not too happy with myself.

2 days ago, I met someone new. She seemed like this perfectly nice and sweet person. But somehow I could not find myself warming up to her as I would have done before. Internally within me, there was this invisible force field holding me back. Prohibiting me from exhibiting friendly social behavior like I would normally do. At the exact same time, a voice in my head was telling me to just go ahead and do what I would do. Footloose and fancy-free would be the phrase associated with it. However, this invisible force field was preventing me from carrying out the advice given by this voice.

I believe that that was my overly heightened sense of self awareness speaking to me. The voice that constantly tells me what I should or should not do.

I've realized that over time, with so many occurrences and incidents in life that happens leave people slightly more apathetic and conditioned than before. Skepticism and cynicism creep in. Intentions and motivation are doubted. Society has also evolved to accept these skeptics and cynics as the norm. A time when helping someone or doing something entails no obligations. Perhaps there was never a time like this. Perhaps bits and pieces of the dark side have always existed within the crevices of our noggin.

I don't know. Many things have happened to me, as would everyone else say about themselves. These incidents have killed my naivety and only heightened my skepticism and cynicism about the world and people around me. I no longer trust people as easily, or warm up to people as quick as I used to. I feel less empathy and sympathy for suffering and pain. I don't see the world through a child's eyes.

Going back to 2 days ago, I don't know what caused me to behave like that. It may be a small thing (I like making mountains out of molehills), but it's big to me. Now naivety and gullibility does not seem like a bad thing after all. I believe this 'phenomenon' happens to a large majority when growing up. Hence adults live in a world where distrust and dubious intentions are commonplace. Someone doing a service to another is psycho analyzed and there must be a reason behind it.

I'm just saying that I don't like how this is happening. How this conditioning to events is hardening me. How I now longer believe in humanity.

Once you're conditioned, nothing changes.

So I have made up my mind, to embrace this change. Yet, at the same time, do what I love doing, breaking convention.

Oh yes, I have something to say about why this may happen.

I believe it's caused by disappointment.

Disappointment in people that you once trusted.

Disappointment in knowing that you didn't do the best you could.

Disappointment in a someone being nice to you had ill intentions.

Disappointment in someone who was once very close hide her face when she chances you on the streets.

Disappointment in parents not living up to their duties.

Disappointment that life doesn't work out the way you want to.

Disappointment in having no one that truly understands you.

Disappointment in knowing that the person you love will probably never feel the same way.

Disappointment for not doing what you promised.

Disappointment in thighs that meet will probably never separate.

Disappointment for every moment your heart fell or cringed upon hearing or seeing something.

So, when life throws you yarn, make socks.

Love, Ethel

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title: Why I will NEVER be a teacher
date: Tuesday, November 24, 2009
time:3:25 PM

Warning: The following blog post may contain explicitly opinionated material that may or may not upset certain people of a certain occupation. Please read with your own discretion.

I'm really upset.

I'm upset because I'm stuck somewhere that I don't want to be in. Something small happened today that reminded me how appalling the social behavior of some teachers in school. It's ironic how higher authority in educational institutions constantly drill into us to have good attitudes and well-balanced lives. The twist in this story is that many of them lack this ability and hardly qualify to be teaching this lesson.

Going back to school today to make a short medical insurance claim just proved how much this was true. While walking into the general office, I was right in front of another teacher who was just leaving. As I was much taller than her, one would expect normal social procedures to take place, such as looking up and holding the door slightly longer than usual to let the other person in, which would then be followed by awkward smiles and thank yous.

I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, this is what is usually done outside in the real world. But this teacher did just the opposite. She neither lifted her eyes nor held the door open for a nanosecond longer. Instead, she closed it quickly behind her and very very close to my face. When that happened, it woke me up from my dreamy state.

'Hey, you're in school. What did you expect?'

This then got me thinking and lamenting (quite loudly to my Mother) about how much teachers may hate students. I mean, I'm going by a long shot here, but it seems like teachers hate their profession and students. I'm just generalizing here about the few that I've encountered. I'm not saying ALL teachers out there are like that. But I'm talking about the rest that seem unhappy and bitter about their jobs. The rest that seem to think that they really are better than the students that they teach. The rest that think that students don't need respect because they're students or reasons otherwise.

Off the top of my head, I feel like I can draw this scenario as a parallel to the Milgrim experiment. Man, once presented with ultimate authority, usually abuse it. So in my head, I'm conjuring up images of poor helpless students being saved by strict regimens implemented by the government to prevent torture and abuse in schools. But that's just me. I have a vivid imagination.

I'm just saying that students are in school to learn and gain knowledge. I know a lot of stress and responsibilities are placed upon teachers to achieve certain results. But just as teachers expect respect from us, I believe that I'm a person that deserves respect too. This relationship works both ways. We have much to learn from each other, and it doesn't help when one party deems themselves better, smarter and richer than us.

Although technically that's true.

Anyways, this isn't applicable to all teachers because I've met some very kind and dedicated teachers in Singapore that I'd never expect to meet. Perhaps I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. But the truth is that the scary impression I've had of teachers upon returning to Singapore from the US has been validated thus far.

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title:
date: Monday, November 23, 2009
time:10:00 AM

Ethel just won a free trip to Hong Kong to film as a guest VJ on the Dec 8th to 9th on Channel V Countdown. I will miss prom but I will go to Post Prom from the Airport! :)

This is so exciting!!

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title: What I've been up to
date: Saturday, November 21, 2009
time:10:34 PM

A lot of people have been asking me what I've been up to since my exams are over.

So these are the people I've been hanging out with since then. :)

Lots of good things have been happening. I'm doing 2 upcoming films and photoshoots. :)

I'm in SRT The Young Co. and ColorFunk, so I'm back in touch with theater again! :)

I'm VERY happy.

Word People! :)

Zouk!

Wai Ying and me. <3

Laura and me. <3

YKit, Derrick and me. :)

Big Breakfast at MACS!

Steph's Cell! :)

Last but not least, pictures from Jessica's sister's wedding from last Sunday!

Weddings kind of make me squirmy, but this was nonetheless a beautiful one! :)

Enjoy the pictures!

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title: Seasons Greetings
date: Friday, November 20, 2009
time:3:59 PM

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Only in Orchard Road.

I can hardly feel it.

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title: The saturation of my mind
date: Thursday, November 19, 2009
time:11:35 PM

Today while I was talking with a friend, we have sort of come to the mutual consensus that modern technology has led to people being so much narcissistic than before. Many blogs are filled with not just daily doings of a specific individual, but also contains the deep dark thoughts of them. This large display of human emotion on a public site comes across not as vulnerability, but instead as a show of some sort. A garner of attention to a certain extent. We then somehow linked this back to the reason for this phenomenon being Man's innate desire for power and control. The control of another being's attention that is.

He then asked me if I liked being in control, applying the question hypothetically in a very normal context. I thought for a bit, and then came to the answer that 'I'm bossy towards my sister.'

'That's sibling rivalry,' he said. 'It doesn't count.'

So my answer was this.

My desire to please people > My desire to control

That's food for thought for me.

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title:
date: Tuesday, November 17, 2009
time:11:41 PM

I hate this. I want us to stop fighting please.

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title: On top of the world
date: Thursday, November 12, 2009
time:11:57 PM

Sometimes, when you feel so happy that you are raised so high that you can almost touch the clouds. These two weeks of holidays have been absolutely amazing for me. I've been basically living out my dream. Like I was in some other world where I could be with my one and only first love. It sounds really dramatic but I feel so close to where I want to be that it's as if I can almost see the outline of it's silhouette.

It's corny.

It's cheesy.

But it's real.

And I honestly feel like I'm on top of the world.

To all my friends out there in the midst of their As and PW, keep going! You guys can beat it. :)

I'm still rooting and praying for you.

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title: I'm so happy I'm like a little bug on coffee beans~~
date: Friday, November 6, 2009
time:3:48 PM

That is the song I sang while jumping about when I found out that I got accepted into The Young Co.

I have been having holidays from school these last two weeks and I have been having a great time! I've gone back to work at Ben and Jerry's, celebrated Halloween, modeled for Runwaybelle (www.runwaybelle.livejournal.com),

went night cycling, attended Word again, met up with friends passed my BTT, and got into the Young Co!

Life has been really good and I've been really happy with how everything is. I'm basically like a little bug on coffee beans!~~

I am also planning TPJC's Post Prom with Dzul at Supperclub. It'll be on December 9th so I hope that everyone can make it! We have booked the White Room just for us, so you can invite your friends to come down and party together. The details are up on Facebook already. Tickets are $15.

So pencil in the dates and get ready to party people!

But of course, study first and get through A Levels first. To all my friends taking A Levels next week, I wish you guys all the best. Everything that you all have been working for is finally here, so please do yourselves justice! I will be rooting and praying for all of you. :)

Lastly, I hope that my weird friend Raj gets better soon. :)

Oh yes! Runwaybelle provided me with a really nice black dress and jacket. This is the jacket and you can match it with almost anything. So if you like it, visit www.runwaybelle.livejournal.com to check out more!

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